What is my day job anyway? Kid wrangler? And not sure I’m too good at that either…ANYWAY.
So yes, I did attempt to hang Christmas lights on our house. I have been bugging Shane for years to have lights on our house, and so I finally decided to take matters in my own hands. And yes, I am still alive to talk about it. But it was not pretty…not pretty at all my friends.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=473960204897 (this is my sad attempt to video part of the debacle…hope the link works!)
First of all, for any of you that know me (and my father), know that I inherited his manual dexterity (or complete lack thereof). I have issues using any type of tool whatsoever. I can’t cut straight lines with scissors. I can’t sew on a button. I can’t even fold clothes correctly. So really, I had absolutely no business trying to hang lights. But I’m also a bit stubborn. No manual dexterity and stubbornness…not really a good mix.
So of course I pick the coldest freaking day of the year. I spent a good hour just trying to open all the boxes of lights and trying to figure out how to string them together while simultaneously tangling up myself and the dogs. Oh, if I could have only figured out how to video this feat, I could possibly be the winner of ten grand on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
By this point the novelty has worn off, I am freezing and frustrated. And there is not one light strung. Not one. And of course Baby J wakes up. Break time!
Pick up Nicholas from school and he is a bit dismayed by the sight of boxes, cords and tangles of lights all over the front yard. “Mommy, this is a mess. At my dad’s house we have lights all over our house and it looks a lot better.” Great. Nothing like a six-year old to cut you down to size.
So after another few hours of trying to wrap lights in our bushes (in between feeding Baby J, chasing Nicholas and cursing a LOT), I realize that I have absolutely no clue where or how I’m supposed to plug them in. Slight oversight. And the lights are falling off the bushes and look pretty clumpy and messy. At this point I throw in the towel (because it is getting dark and I’ve spent ALL DAY on this project). I am in tears as my hubby comes home to observe the mess of lights in the front yard.
I left to go get some wine (hey, I deserve some after that ordeal), drive home and in a span of 45 minutes, Shane has strung, hung and plugged in the lights. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. Dang him for being so good at everything! But if it weren’t for Shane, I guarantee you, those lights would still be in a crumpled mess in the front lawn.
And I would still be on the couch drinking my wine from a sippy cup.
Thank goodness for Christmas miracles.
Sidebar: Yes, I know that “tripping the light fantastic” means dancing nimbly and really has nothing to do with Christmas lights…but it just sounded good. (and no, I cannot dance nimbly either…).