The Invalid and Her Caretakers…
I write this from bed (while Josie tries to eat the computer, yes, I’m getting a lot accomplished)…which has more or less been my home for the past six days since Shane’s party. Yes, his party was quite the bash, but my friends, it was the morning after that completely did me in.
Oh, where to start. First of all, Jose Cuervo is no longer my friend. Not that we were close to begin with, but I have learned the hard way that I am way way too old for him. Three plus margaritas at Shane’s bash makes Marnie a forgetful lady. So needless to say we left Shane’s car at the party while Shane drove me home on HIS birthday night (anyone see anything wrong with this scenario?).
I woke up the next morning with no car, no wallet and no phone. And have absolutely no recollection of where the latter two are. Shane had to go to work (damn him) and left me carless…(penniless, stranded on the side of the road…oops, wrong story).
I am supposed to have Josie at Mother’s Day Out and be at a luncheon before noon. My head is pounding and I am completely freaking out. Oh and again, MURPHY’s LAW (what would my blog be without inserting that in every paragraph?) We have ZERO formula or diapers in our house. I just don’t understand how these things keep happening. Truly I don’t.
Shane comes home to take me to my car and is just a little frustrated to realize I have lost my wallet AND my brand new I-phone. We search the house frantically and they are nowhere to be found. We leave to get my car and drop off Baby J at Mother’s Day Out and I realize AGAIN that I have not taken a shower and I have to be dressed up at a luncheon in less than an hour. And I stink. Big time.
Long story short: Found my wallet at Elote (the site of Shane’s party). Phone was not with it. Had to run to Elote to pick up my wallet so I could then run to the store to pick up diapers and formula before running to drop off Baby J so I could run home and jump in the shower just to run out the door again to make it to this blessed luncheon (I was a table captain, so there was no skipping out).
In the midst of my running and throwing poor Baby J in an out of the car, I somehow sprained my back. Thought it would just go away on its own so I kept on trucking, through the luncheon then off to a board meeting. By the end of the board meeting I could not even stand up without assistance. Talk about embarrassing. The security guard at my meeting had to actually hoist me up to get in the car. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
Shane had to pick up Josie from school because I could not move. (I had to borrow a board member’s phone to actually call Shane…another embarrassing moment to add to my ever growing list). And have I mentioned that we still have not found my phone? And now I can’t even look for it because I can no longer stand. Then Shane realized he left the formula and diapers at school.
Oh yes, you did NOT want to be at our house when he realized that. It was ugly.
Fast forward six days and I am still incapacitated.
However, we did find my phone.
It was in our outside trash can.
Don’t ask, because I have no idea.
And that’s all I have to say about that.