Survivor: The Real Housewife of Camp Tough Love

65697_477368499897_678169897_5526743_4678749_s.jpg(My sentiments exactly, Baby J).

I’m not a fan of Survivor…but I’m pretty sure a day in my house would rival even the toughest competition on the island. Bring it on people.

As I write this, I am covered with paint and spit up. I just finished helping with Nic’s Kindergarten CHristmas Party which ended with Baby J spitting up on me in the car. And all I have to say is that an after party complete with mommy beverages needs to be mandatory. Maybe I’ll lobby for that next year at the PTA meeting.

ANYWAY, trying to wrangle 24 kids with crafts, food and Santa while balancing a baby on your hip (live in nanny was sick…HA! I crack myself up) is no easy task. This is after I’ve burned the slice and bake cookies I threw together for his class party at the very last minute. (Sidebar: Stepmom made HOMEMADE sugar cookies that were decorated to rival Martha Stewart to pass out to the school, all packaged with a cute little bow). I show up with burnt cookies that somewhat resemble reindeer with defects thrown together on a plastic plate with saran wrap. Oh well, we all have our talents. (I’ll just keep telling myself that).

For any of you that follow my facebook postings (or virutal ramblings of my life…somewhat cathartic) saw that I also was in charge of making chili for a luncheon a few days ago. Really people? Who would put me in charge of making something that is edible? Plates and napkins…I’m your girl. Long story short – I woke up late, and tried to make chili while simutaneously getting four kids ready for school. Needless to say, I forgot I was browning meat until my step daughter thought the house was burning down. Great. Who burns chili? That would be me. THen I read my email only to find that I was supposed to fix chili for 30 to 40 people. SERIOUSLY. And the luncheon was in two hours. And I still had to take all the kids to school. And once again, I still hadn’t showered.

Threw my baby, burnt chili and unshowered self in the car and we made it to the luncheon. I was beyond mortified to bring in my crock pot. Thank you to all the sweet ladies who pretended the chili was good…I am hoping none of you got sick.

So I go home to do some laundry, because even though I do laundry freaking every day of my life, I never seem to have clean underwear. And guess what? We have no water. Zero, zilch, NADA. I still haven’t showered, and now have no clean underwear to boot. The day keeps getting better and better. (By the way, when you call the water department, it is helpful if the account is in your name instead of your husband’s EX WIFE’s).

Oh, I could go on and on. Thanks to my dear friends Liz and Shannon for taking me out to dinner (and drinks) that night. I was pretty much on the brink of losing it. 164176_1738401060781_1261274417_31883508_7815314_n.jpg (My lifesavers, Liz and Shannon. Not looking too shabby for no shower and dirty undies…)

I am thinking of starting my own reality show for moms. And not that Real Housewife crap – Real? My a&@. Just have one of those rich plastic housewives spend a day in my life…and they’ll be running for Beverly. Hills that is.

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About marniefernandez

Official kid wrangler of four. Step mom, adoptive mom & bio mom. City girl turned country bumpkin. Small town girl next door married to Hollywood sniper/moto-cross/ninja architect. Career girl turned stay-at-home mom with baby on hip. Permanent taxi-cab driver, schedule organizer and professional laundress. (When not chasing kids...) Mommy blogger, columnist, travel writer and consultant. And no, I don't sleep. And yes, I take Prozac. And drink wine from sippy cups.

3 thoughts on “Survivor: The Real Housewife of Camp Tough Love

  1. Pingback: Help for the Haggard Mommy – Tips for Looking Younger | marniefernandez

  2. I will be turning 50 Jan 2012, I need help, my daughter told me my butt has fallen. I exercise 4 times a week nothing seems to help. What can I do for the dimples on the sides of my thighs and smother skin on my legs?

    • Oh no! My 5 year old told me my butt was getting bigger – so I feel your pain. I have tried EVERYTHING for cellulite – creams, massages, smart lipo – and the only thing that has seemed to work is exfoilating once a week and using a self tanner on the legs. THe scrub smooths out all the bumps and the self tanner helps disguise the cellulite. ALso, I do hamstring curls on my exercise ball 3X a week (20 reps /2 sets) and that really seems to tighten up my butt area. HOpe that helps and good luck!

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