My son and “bosoms”

Some men are into eyes, others are into rear ends or even smiles. My son’s obsession happens to be boobs. Might I mention, he is only five years old (just barely, I might add).

His obsession started oh, let’s see, when he was about two or three. I started figuring this out when I would show him one of my pregnant friend’s bellies and would ask him to “feel the baby” and he immediately went for the boob squeeze. Every single time. Even though he was only 2 or 3 – I think the kid knew what he was doing.

And ever since – my son is hooked on “boobies” as he so fondly calls them. Instead of singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” or “Old MacDonald” like most kids his age, my son’s favorite song is Fergie’s “My Lovely Lady Lumps” (this does not go over so well at the Grandparent’s house). Note to parents: Never assume your children are asleep in the car when you are playing your “adult mix”.

I also noticed that he seems to really like to watch girls in bikinis. I caught him watching the Jenny Craig commercial (Valerie Bertinelli in a two-piece) with his stepbrother talking to him about how “hot” this girl was and how she has “sexy boobies.” Seriously. Shouldn’t this talk be happening about 10 years from now? Is he just advanced for his age? Maybe he’ll skip three grades and head to Harvard on a full scholarship at the age of 12. Hey, a mom can dream can’t she?

Should I be concerned? Is this normal? None of my other friend’s kids are obsessed with body parts…so does this mean he is going to be making out with girls in Kindergarten? Or even worse? I shudder to think about my child going through puberty.

As he told my mom’s 65-year old friend she had “hot boobies” the first time he met her – I wanted to crawl in a hole and never resurface. Shane and I have had several “talks” with him about not talking about breasts (and other body parts) to no avail…I wonder if it is because he wasn’t breastfed as a baby that he feels left out? I dunno. But Lord help us all when the hormones start kicking in. To all my friends with daughters – I would suggest locking them up (sooner rather than later).

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About marniefernandez

Official kid wrangler of four. Step mom, adoptive mom & bio mom. City girl turned country bumpkin. Small town girl next door married to Hollywood sniper/moto-cross/ninja architect. Career girl turned stay-at-home mom with baby on hip. Permanent taxi-cab driver, schedule organizer and professional laundress. (When not chasing kids...) Mommy blogger, columnist, travel writer and consultant. And no, I don't sleep. And yes, I take Prozac. And drink wine from sippy cups.

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