Identity Crisis

So I’m entering month six of being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). One year ago I was a single mom of one living in midtown and VP of a local PR firm. A year later I am married, mom of one, step mom of two with one on the way, and a stay at home mom living in the country (well, maybe not TECHNICALLY the country, but hey, I like to be dramatic and it really is far away from everything I do…). Wow, I’m not sure I can handle any more major life changes this year. Oh wait – I forgot – we are building a house. Ha! Can someone please pass the Prozac?

What a difference a year makes. So how am I doing? Well, considering I am pregnant and cannot take any medication (darn it all) – it has been a roller coaster. Honestly, the first few months of being a SAHM felt like I was just on a long vacation. It was summertime, I was juggling kids to all their activities, we were on vacation, planning a wedding, getting married (and pregnant!) – it was a blur. A really fun blur, but a blur nonetheless. I am not sure I really grasped what it really meant to stay at home.

Now that the dust has settled, kids are back in school and the reality of everything that has happened is starting to sink in – I must say, I feel a little lost. I was talking to a girlfriend at church over the summer who also went through something similar. You’ve spent the better part of your adult life building your career and whether you mean for it to or not – it becomes your identity. Now all of a sudden – you are only known as Nicholas’ mom or Jade and Tristan’s step mom, or Shane’s wife. And don’t get me wrong, those are all WONDERFUL things to be – but what happened to me? What happened to Marnie the career woman? I would be lying to say that I didn’t miss her.

Where I was once very plugged in to everything that was going on in the city – I now depend on my husband to clue me in (but hey – I am now well versed as to what is on the Bixby school lunch menu or whether or not the ground beef is on special at Reasors). Instead of spending my days in meetings and lunches with co-workers, I spend my days in a car driving kids all over creation (Tulsa County that is), and lunch consists of pb&j sammies with my five-year old. As much as I adore my son (and eating pb&j with him), I do miss the camaraderie of the office and regular adult conversation that doesn’t involve a ninja turtle or discussion of pee and/or poo. And when Shane gets home, of course I want to hear everything that is going on in the adult world and of course, he just wants to unplug and relax and escape the adult world. *Sigh.*

Sometimes I look at my growing –larger-by-the-day self (who can’t fit into any of my regular clothes, but that is a different story entirely) and don’t recognize the woman staring back at me…and that isn’t just because I’m pregnant and have a gi-normous belly. But while I do miss the career Marnie – I am learning a whole new side of myself entirely. The Marnie who is learning how to manage a household (still have a LONG ways to go) and the Marnie who is learning to enjoy the moment more and appreciate all the wonderful aspects of being a mom. I know this time is going to go so fast and on the days I miss my career – I have to remind myself that this is only a brief moment in my life that I will get to spend so much time with the kids and that I am very lucky to get to do so.

In fact, the other day my son and I were out and about and he said “Mommy, I am glad I get to spend so much time with you now…you’re my best mommy in the whole world.” What more validation does one need in life?

Until next time,

Marnie

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About marniefernandez

Official kid wrangler of four. Step mom, adoptive mom & bio mom. City girl turned country bumpkin. Small town girl next door married to Hollywood sniper/moto-cross/ninja architect. Career girl turned stay-at-home mom with baby on hip. Permanent taxi-cab driver, schedule organizer and professional laundress. (When not chasing kids...) Mommy blogger, columnist, travel writer and consultant. And no, I don't sleep. And yes, I take Prozac. And drink wine from sippy cups.

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