Excuse Me, I’d Like My Body Back (part 2)

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*Disclaimer: This blog was written in an altered state. That would be starvation. Normal Marnie with a full stomach is not responsible for its content.*

This is part two of my nine day journey into de-toxing my body, healthier eating and oh yeah, skinny jeans. I’m skipping Day 6 and 7 because they are pretty much one big blur of a very long weekend. My only highlight (besides all the downtime with my hubby), was a trip to my fav restaurant Elote, where my dear sweet friend Libby made me a cleanse friendly salad. I heart Libby. Although ignoring the chips, salsa, margaritas, puffy tacos and churros was almost more than I could bear…at least we got out of the house.

Day 8

This is the longest day ever. Why again did I agree to do this? Skinny jeans are highly overrated, I don’t care anymore! Ugh. I’m trying to keep myself busy, but my stomach is constantly reminding me that I am starving. And my hubby conveniently has a business trip on the last two days of my cleanse. Really? Just a coincidence? I don’t think so. As I mentioned in an earlier blog…my hubby is a smart man.

I head to my parent’s house thinking they will be a distraction. All is well until they decide to eat dinner (damn them!). I have a splitting headache (apparently part of the detox symptoms, but still sucks). I sequester myself in my room and curl up in the fetal position. I break down and have two Wheat Thins. Ugh, I’m sorry! I couldn’t resist! Now I’m going to gain all seven pounds back! I am wracked with guilt.

Day 9.

Seriously! I can’t do this anymore…I am losing my mind! I have decided that Holly and her health nut ways are EVIL, I tell you pure EVIL! It is just a means to torture unsuspecting souls such as myself! And my cheerleaders? While you cheer me on from your palaces eating your pizza and ice cream and sipping your vino, you all can go to H- E- Double Hockey Sticks! I WANT A &%$#* CHEESEBURGER!!

Yes, the evil Marnie is out in full force (just ask my old co-worker from the Fort Worth Zoo, Ana about the evil Marnie…some scary stories). But I can’t help it. This just isn’t right.

FORGET IT, I am going to bed. Yes, I know it is six p.m. Baby? What baby? She’ll be fine; at least she can eat.

Good night.

Day 10
*Angels singing*

Am I alive? Did I make it? Is this seriously over??? And holy cow…I have lost TEN pounds and gone down one whole size! WOO HOO! This is awesome! Holly, you rock – I love you!! And cheerleaders? I couldn’t have done this without you guys (yeah, I know I told you to go to hell yesterday…oops). And most of all, thank you to my awesome hubby for putting up with me for nine days (well, make that seven since he ditched the last two). But I don’t care anymore…it’s over!

Hmmm. Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

• For any of you into torture and self deprivation (and losing 10 pounds); email me at marnie@tulsahost.com. I’ll send you the skinny (literally).

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About marniefernandez

Official kid wrangler of four. Step mom, adoptive mom & bio mom. City girl turned country bumpkin. Small town girl next door married to Hollywood sniper/moto-cross/ninja architect. Career girl turned stay-at-home mom with baby on hip. Permanent taxi-cab driver, schedule organizer and professional laundress. (When not chasing kids...) Mommy blogger, columnist, travel writer and consultant. And no, I don't sleep. And yes, I take Prozac. And drink wine from sippy cups.

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